What the World Needs Now are Café Glaces, Sweet Café Glaces

Here are some scenarios/lessons that I have picked up on while in Yerevan. It is time I stop being polite and start getting real. REAL WORLD: YEREVAN. MTV needs to make that series immediately. 

 

1. What to Do When You Are Lost
1. So. You are lost in Yerevan. You forgot to bring your trusty map with you and you can’t read Armenian street signs (Holla!). More likely than not, you WILL be near an outdoor café. Have a seat at this hypothetical café. Take a load off. You are lost in a foreign country, so give yourself time to think about your next move. The waiter will come to you and without hesitation turn to the waiter and say “Café Glace.” Café Glaces are a gift from God given specifically to the Armenian people. I, in all my years of living on this earth, have never tasted or experienced such deliciousness from a drink. The concept is brilliant, yet simple. Here it is: iced coffee plus two scoops of mouthwatering vanilla ice cream. Every café in Yerevan serves this ambrosial drink. So to break it down; have a seat and order a Café Glace. Since you are already lost, go ahead and lose yourself in the beauty of the iced coffee and vanilla ice cream team.
2. What to Do When You Feel Discouraged in Your Speaking Ability
1. The Armenians here can smell if you are not from here. Yeah, I know, but you totally look like the gal in the metro sitting across from you. She knows you aren’t from around here even if you don’t open your mouth. How you dress is a dead giveaway and obviously how you walk, stand and sit all contribute to the obviousness of your foreignness. This is not a bad thing. It’s apart of evolution – know and trust only your own kind. Anyway, so once you open your mouth to speak to them in Armenian it is done – they’ll definitely know you are not from here. You speak Eastern Armenian? Doesn’t matter – they know. I had an experience yesterday on the elevator with a lady. I said “ver gelasgor?” which means “are you going up?” (in Western Armenian, mind you) the lady took one look at me and said in English, “Down.” When you get here you have to accept the fact that you will be looked at as a foreigner because you are a foreigner. As I said, this isn’t a bad thing, it just makes the natives treat you differently and it gets discouraging to actually want to talk to them. Don’t get discouraged! Who cares what other people think? You only have better language skills to gain. And if you get discouraged, go have a Café Glace.
3. Lessons in Asserting Yourself
1. The nice old lady selling you delicious fruit at the outdoor market is about to rip you off. In you, she sees a Diaspora Armenian she can dig her claws into. You tell her you want peaches. She picks the peaches for you with a smile (how nice!), but that means about half of those peaches are moldy (but you don’t know that yet). Your precious peaches are going for the price of 2500 dram, which converts to about 7 dollars. You think to yourself  “Alright I guess I’ll pay that amount, she seems nice and I can barely speak Armenian as it is so I’ll take the goods and go.” This cannot, under any circumstances happen to you. You are a strong-willed and independent person with a mind of your own. Here are some tips for your own fruit/Vernisage (souvenir) market trips:

                                               i.     Look at/Pick what you are buying – It is going to be in your possession make sure it has nothing is living in it.

                                             ii.     You don’t even have to speak a lick of Armenian or if you do use the Armenian you know to your advantage – say no if you don’t like the price and move onto someone else if they don’t budge on the price. My personal favorite interaction involving Elizabeth, one of the other interns and a woman trying to rip her off included Elizabeth telling the woman “aboosh chem” basically meaning “I’m not an idiot.”

                                            iii.     Haggle, Haggle, Haggle – get a good idea of what you are looking for generally sells for so you are well informed on whether or not you are getting a good deal/price on something and then attempt to lower that price.

                                            iv.     These tips are obvious when I write them down, but not so much in practice. Vigilance is key. Good things will come when you remain in power. And you will get to use the extra money you saved on a Café Glace.